


The 3-Person Conundrum > Spencer Hastings' Guide To Love (As Told Through Her 3 Best Friends For Your Entertainment)

by orphan_account



Category: Pretty Little Liars
Genre: Bets, Book Writing, Chaos, EVERYTHING GOES WRONG, Evil Plan, F/F, Funny, Humor, Long-ass title, Revenge, Sparia bet, Spencer is exposed
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-03
Updated: 2018-01-03
Packaged: 2019-02-27 13:58:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13249668
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Or, that time Spencer wanted to win a bet really bad.





	1. Part 1: Falling In Love

_Disclaimer: If you would like to avoid a terrible fate of pranks, shame, humiliation and the silent treatment I would recommend not writing a book for the sake of a winning a bet. Trust me, no amount of tickets to Hamlet, Hamilton, Wicked or even Romeo and Juliet will make up for loss of eyebrows, lack of sleep, severe headaches caused by annoying friends or any other evil schemes your best friends come up with._

_Also please make sure if you have the idea of pissing off Mona Vanderwaal, consider that your wickedly evil friends may have the incentive to team up with mentioned foe. So, if you'd like to avoid my fate all you have to do is not make ridiculously, stupid bets with your midget friend._

There are a many multitude of ways to fall in love. Of course, I'm sure you know all the cliché ones. Like for example, bumping into someone in bookshop, or coffee shop or in the street or anywhere really (known as the 'Clumsy Relatable Stereo-Type'). This could work, yes, but there is in fact a very small chance and it would require hanging around random places like an absolute creep.

And trust me, looking like a creep is not fun (I mean, you spy on your friends from a potted plant _one time_ and now you're suddenly banned from your local restaurant).

So, how would you go about falling in love? You could stay in the friend-zone and hope your friend finally has a change in heart. Although this option has a high-success rate under certain circumstances (read: if your friend is secretly attracted to you as more than a friend), however it usually causes heart-ache, heartbreak, sadness, crying yourself to sleep at night and awkwardness.

Now, at first glance I would assume my 3 best friends are magnificently lucky and are the second option. And yes, I repeat they are _magnificently lucky_ and most techniques of theirs are not to be repeated.

 _Sigh._ Hanna Marin, Alison DiLaurentis and Emily Fields are sexy, beautiful, smart, talented ladies. And yes, Mona Vanderwaal has won and is basically the Queen of Amazing. Can I get back to talking about your ~~pathetic~~ amazing, magnificent love life now? Sorry for that, as I said my best friends have not taken lightly to this book. (But I have to admit, Wicked was amazing. So worth it.)

But, like I was saying they are also very confident. Even if Emily and Hanna were at first a little shy, they soon grew into confident women. Here let's see a scenario to see what I mean:

**1\. New Year (Alison DiLaurentis and Hanna Marin):**

**"Got room for one more?" Alison smirked, already knowing the answer. Hanna looked up, raising an eyebrow. "That depends, you got booze?" She asked crossing her arms. "One better." Retorted Ali shaking up a bag of Halloween candy.**

**Hanna leaned back against the tree trunk as Alison plopped down next to her. "You're not scared of ruining your skirt, Queen Bee? Colour me mother-fucking surprised." Teased Hanna. Alison rolled her eyes, giving Hanna an absent-minded middle finger. "You bitch." Sniggered Ali shoving Hanna lightly.**

Okay, guys... Is this just an excuse to put swear words in this book?

Oh come on, Spencer! We had to add something fun to it. Your stupid book was putting me to sleep.

Oh my God, where's the popcorn?

Aria! How the hell did you get here? I didn't even let you help me write this book.

Guys, this is weird... Why is everything I'm saying turning up on the page?

Calm down, it's probably Mona messing with us.

It's not guys! But don't worry I can get us ou-- Oh my God! Is it so hard to put stupid quotation marks? I'm _speaking_ , that requires quota--- Wait, you can add italics but not quotation marks? What the hell?! Are you on drugs again or something?

Hey! I can't control this anymore. It's not my fault! If it's anyone's it's Aria's!!!

Mine? How the hell is it _my_ fault?

You're the one who started this stupid bet! If it weren't for you I wouldn't be writing about our friends' stupid love life!

Is the lack of quotation marks bothering anyone else?

Shut up, Mona!

You're all so rude. I can't wait to get out this stupid book and slap all of you!

Oh wait... I found the problem. Alison, can you turn off the 'VR setting'?

Wait, Alison's been in real-life the whole time? How didn't she realize something was up?

She probably fell asleep reading your stupid book.

**Hi, this is Alison. I guess I'm writing this book now.**

No, Alison. Let us out!

**Um... why would I do that Spencer?**

Wait... You're writing this now? ADD QUOTATION MARKS AND WHO'S SPEAKING FOR GOD'S SAKE! IS IT REALLY THAT HARD?

**Let's see... Oh yes. Silence characters.**

**...**

**Good. No one's speaking anymore. God, they're annoying. SO back to the juicy stuff. If Spencer's going to make a big song and dance of writing about our love life than it's time I got pay-back. And yes, Spencer, none of the things you mentioned in the disclaimer was enough. (Although you conveniently left out getting shit-faced and having my face decorated all over your room.)**

**Great, now I'm hungry. Why am I hungry? Ugh, whatever. I'll write the next chapter tomorrow or something...**


	2. Enough Of This Boring Crap

**I'm not a bitch anymore. Okay correction: I'm mostly not a bitch anymore. I mean I lasted a whole afternoon with Mona without _once_ bringing up how lame Wedding Planning is. Yeah, can you believe the genius Mona Vanderwaal is a _Wedding Planner_? Like seriously, that should've been the last option. Why not be a Lawyer or something actually interesting?**

**But, like I was saying... I'm not a bitch most of the time. Today, though, my inner bitch is coming out.**

**My therapist once said letting my 'inner bitch' out could be healthy and cathartic. Turns out she was Paige's evil sister getting revenge... But still, it's the thought that counts. Because that slimy, good-for-nothing bitch was right, being a bitch is really ~~fun~~ cathartic. So here I am, Alison DiLaurentis going back to her roots and being the biggest bitch ever. ** **But this isn't about me.**

**This is about Spencer Hastings.**

**Fuck. Shit. Motherfucking shitballs. Cunt. Bitch. Dick. Motherfucking dickhead. Dickhead. Ass. Ass-hole. Holy Motherfucking shit dickhead cunt.**

**Whoop! Now we've got all that swearing out the way... Back to Spencer.**

**Ah ha! Character Settings > Hanna Marin > Add Emily Fields > Turn off VR setting.**

_Ali, we need to let the others out._

**No way! This awesome.**

It really is, babe. But Mona's found a way to get out and they'll be here in like,,, 10 minutes.

**Ugh, fine! Character Settings > Mona Vanderwaal > Turn off VR setting. Happy now?**

_Look, I get leaving Spencer in there but how about Aria?_

**They're Team Sparia, they'll be fine.**

Finally! Guys, add quotation marks and who's speaking. Wait, why doesn't quotation marks work? Are you serious?!

Oh my God! We have more important stuff to do, Grammar Police.

Fine. But by the way, Alison... Wedding Planning is a very serious and fulfilling job. How dare you say otherwise?

**Wait, how come everything we say ends up being written down?**

Shit.

_Looks like you evil plan might've back-fired a little._

**IT WASN'T AN EVIL PLAN!**

Please, you were going to trap them in a book. That's pretty evil.

**What like Spencer and Aria are doing now?**

I'm pretty sure it could hold up in court as self-defence.

Yeah, but I'm also sure if we started blabbering about magic keyboards and getting trapped in books, we'd be sent off to Radley. Or Welby or whatever...

We could just show them this book.

_They'd probably just think it was a really creative writing style/idea._

**Em's right. God, I can't believe I'm stuck in the stupid book I was trying to take over!**

I think the most surprising thing is that Spencer and Aria somehow got out this book.

Really? Spencer's like a genius.

Are you serious? It took her forever to figure out I was the first -A. Even though, I was literally waving clues in her face.

_Hey! It took us forever to figure out as well._

I'm just saying... You kind of put Spencer on this genius pedestal she doesn't deserve.

Oh my God! Did Mona get eaten by a black hoodie?

**Huh. I appreciate the irony, Spencer. Or... Aria?**

_No, definitely Spencer. It left behind a trail of pill bottles._

Seriously Spencer? Joking about your own drug addiction? Don't you have anything actually funny to joke about?

**Mona! You're alive!**

Aww. You're starting to care about Mona, that's so cute.

**As if.**

If you really do care about me, you have a funny way of showing it. Then again... You do have a funny way of showing people you care...

**Shut up, Mona.**

And... You're back.


End file.
